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May 7, 2009
Dear Parents/Guardians:
It’s that time of year again when the rebirth of spring warms the earth and serves to
remind us to be grateful for of all our good fortunes. Above all, we honor our family
and cherish our children who are the most precious and valuable gift of all!
Each spring, we send a letter stressing the importance of safety and how it is
the responsibility of the school as well as the home environment to secure
the physical and emotional well being of our children. Together, we must put
all our efforts into preventing negative experiences or incidents by paying close
attention to the details of our children’s daily lives.
Considering that there is no one way to raise a child, as well as the fact that
parenting and teaching styles do vary, educators and caregivers should agree on the
basic expectations for children. The most important responsibility of our faculty, staff
and parents, is to work together and communicate freely about what is happening in
the lives of each and every individual child.
At Fishkill Plains, we are keenly attuned to our students’ problems, self-esteem
issues, violent/angry tendencies and depression behaviors. We address those
concerns by means of direct communication with teachers and staff, social workers,
psychologists, parents and, most importantly, provide frequent counseling with the
students. Peer mediation is frequently used as a tool to establish harmony, peace
and open communication skills.
Many excellent books are available in libraries or at bookstores on developmental
stages, constructive problem solving, discipline styles, and other communication
skills.
The following suggestions are taken from the book, Nurturing Your Child’s Mental
Health, by Dr. William Pollack, are relevant to the emotional support of your child:
Do your best to provide a safe home and community for your child, as well as
nutritious meals, regular health check ups, immunizations, and exercise. Be
aware of stages in child development so you don’t expect too much or too little
from your child.
Encourage your child to express his or her feelings, respect those feelings. Let
your child know that everyone experiences pain, fear, anger, and anxiety. Try to
learn the source of those feelings. Help our child express anger positively, with
resorting to anger and/or violence.
Promote mutual respect and trust. Keep your voice level down- even when
you don’t agree. Keep communication channels open.
Listen to your child. Use words and examples your child can understand.
Encourage questions. Provide comfort and assurance. Be honest. Focus on
the positives. Express your willingness to talk about any subject.
Are you setting a good example? Look at your own problem solving and
coping skills. If you are over-whelmed by your child’s feelings or behaviors or if
you are unable to control frustrations or anger, seek help.
Encourage your child’s talents and accept limitations. Set goals based on the
child’s abilities and interests- not someone else’s expectations. Don’t compare
your child’s abilities to those of other children.
Celebrate accomplishments. Appreciate the uniqueness of your child. Spend
time regularly with your child.
Foster your child’s independence and self-worth. Help your child deal with life’s
ups and downs. Show confidence in your child’s ability to handle problems
and tackle new experiences.
Discipline constructively, fairly, and consistently. Discipline is a form of teaching,
not physical punishment. All children and families are different; learn what is
effective for your child. Show approval for positive behaviors. Help your
child learn from his or her mistakes.
Love unconditionally. Teach the value of apologies, cooperation, patience,
forgiveness, and consideration of others. Do not expect to be perfect;
parenting is a difficult job.
We must concentrate on investing as much time as possible, as parents and
educators, to really “get to know” our children. We need to be involved in all
aspects of their life:
Listen to the lyrics of your children’s music-
TV and videos they watch, as well as the video games they play;
Know their friends and what influences them the most;
Be aware of their struggles;
Recognize and support exactly what makes them feel happy
Recognize any violent tendencies/ behavior tantrums
Explore areas from where this behavior stems
In this way, we might be able to temper behavioral difficulties before they erupt!
Sometimes adults are so “busy” today they don’t make enough time to be what they
want to be- and that is a loving, caring parent. It is not about criticizing or punishing
children for what they don’t do. It is about finding the time to explain and
show them that, “I love you," and "You are important to me,” are much more than
words.
In the daily lives of our children, parents should push beyond perfunctory questions
like, “How was your day?” They should dig into the roots of their moods.
This means noticing and labeling emotions. “You are happy today or you seem
sad today. Why?” This type of communication results in insightful and productive,
lasting relationships between parents and children.
Statistics tell us that most parents give only four minutes a day to their children in
quality, one-on-one communication. It is critical that we ask ourselves the question,
“How much quality time did you spend with your child yesterday?” When we answer
this question honestly, we will know what to do today.
Warning signs that may indicate “signs of trouble”:
LACK OF REMORSE
SUDDEN SECRECY
CRUELTY TO ANIMALS
DEFIANT AND COMBATIVE BEHAVIOR
CHANGE IN FRIENDS
Many experts state that children become delinquent or promiscuous at very early
ages! Often teachers can spot these students in kindergarten. The negative
patterns can start that young.
The author, Dr. William S. Pollack, has written several books concerning the
emotional turmoil that boys experience from parents, peers, and teachers to be
masculine, and the feelings of confusion, isolation, and rage that can result. He
debunks our myths about boyhood and reveals the patterns of behavior and
emotional responses that truly are specific to boys. The following quote is taken
directly from his writing, "Many more boys silently struggle with feelings of
loneliness, isolation, and depression." He recommends that we need to:
Identify and understand the national crisis of boyhood in America
Gain deeper knowledge of normal boyhood development from a modern
perspective
Create new measures to prevent the culture of violence among boys
Adopt particular techniques that help boys in trouble: timed-silence,
action talk, and the creation of "shame-free" zones
Integrate new research on boy's lives into the educational environment
and the boys' home experience
Another book by Dr. William Pollack: Real Boys: Rescuing our Sons from the
Myths of Boyhood describes the private world of boys. The author examines the
Boy Code; society's definition of what it means to be a boy. It tells how boys tend
to suppress or cover up their emotions. Even very young boys are taught to keep a
stiff upper lip, to laugh it off, not to show emotion.
On a positive note, our children have an extraordinary sense of hope and optimism,
laugh easily and are quick to forgive in most situations. We can surely learn many
great lessons from our children.
Sincerely yours,
Sylvia A. Epstein, Principal